A FUNNY LIFE

Here is a page that will give you a little insight into my own weird life and mind.  I have a strange sense of humor at times, mainly due to dad.  He taught me to always enjoy life and live each day as if it were your last one, because one day it will be. I got my dry sarcastic streak from Mum who was very dry at times.

Sometimes my mouth has been a second or so in front of my brain and can sometimes cause an uncomfortable moment (not for me).  99.9999999999% of the time when my phone rings I answer it

"Hello Ian Wragg"

With this in mind here are some real questions (in red) that people have asked straight after I had stated that, followed by my response. 

Is that Ian Wragg? - No it's his answering machine leave a name and number after the beep.

Can you give me a quote please? - To be or not be that is the question.

Can you give me  price please? - £378.45    What!!!  For a kids party? - No for my colour TV.  You didn't say what you wanted it for.

Do you do home visits? - No I leave those for the doctor generally.

What do you charge? - It depends, do you want them beating or killing?

One day my best friend was over (See MadHatters2) and we were watching some Star Trek in the afternoon.  A knock on the door and a lady stood there and introduced herself as the local Avon rep.  She asked if the lady of the house was about to discuss some cosmetics.  I said "Yeah sure. Hang on! ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  Adam came from the living room to a look of sheer horror on the Avon lady's face as she blushed red and made a sharp and hasty exit down the path. 

This is the sort of stuff I'm on about.  I try not to take everything so serious, have a laugh whenever possible.  It makes life less dreary and more fun.

Dad was a great character and both he and mum are sadly missed by all of my family.  Before he died he relied greatly on a wheelchair to help get about in his later years.  He didn't let this get him down too much and we even had a bit of fun now and again.

Whilst shopping in the CO-OP one day we had pushed his trolley through the checkout and he had to pay for them (Try as he might to avoid this), he couldn't quite reach to sign the credit card slip and stood up out of the chair to make it easier.  "Look everybody!" I screamed, "It's a miracle......He can walk!"  Every one in the checkout burst out laughing except for the poor checkout girl who didn't know whether or not I was joking and never quite worked out which way to look.

On holiday in Skegness Dad was zooming about on his electric wheelchair (complete with fluffy dice and go faster stripes) When he decided he was going to race these couple of teenagers on skateboards.  It was like scene from Mad Max or Ben Hur.  At least he never managed to upend them with his walking stick.

If a pretty woman walked past dad always gave a smile and a wink and mum would smile wryly  at him and say, "Come on Brian, you know dogs chase cars but can't drive"

Well that's about all for now I will add more thing as and when they happen.  Remember if you are going to give me a call think before you speak or you may end up being quoted here.

I thought I would put some pictures of the family here as well.

 

Our second try at marriage. Must be love

This is Daniel on his first day at Carmel Technical College

On holiday in Tenerife 2002. Best sunset I have ever seen

Me Getting the BBQ started in the summer. DON'T try this at home folks

Mum & Dad. Brian & Isabelle. Much loved and greatly missed

Silky the cat. The feline that graciously allows us to feed her and keep her warm. You would have to own a cat to understand that.!!!!!

My cute pet pooch Minger. Thats right I called ger Minger!

Come on then I'll lick you to death

Ok i'm tired now, think it's nap time. Come on teddy

 

I got sent these pictures from one of my closest friends, Jonathon Godfrey.  They are of him when he was in the Army.  Of course then he was not as Temporally Enhanced or Folliclely challenged as he his now.  (That's P.C. for old and bald)

He had managed to CRASH A BIG TANK (Did I mention that it was BIG and a TANK?) down the side of a mountain.  Doesn't it make you proud of the British Army!  (Only kidding Jon).  

He later went on to be a Policeman and gain the Police 1 Drivers License.  (Possibly the most difficult to achieve in driving) and became a qualified Driving Instructor.  He retired from that after the stress of teaching me to drive nearly 17 years ago.  

He is now (apart from being a thoroughly good guy) a fully qualified Independent Mortgage Broker (A top one at that) and an accomplished Close-Up Magician.  If you need a Mortgage click on his picture on the right to go to his site.  I can give no higher recommendation for him other than he sorted out my mortgage, my 2 sisters mortgages and 6 of my friends.  He WILL save you money.  Just make sure you make him a nice strong cup of coffee, black, 2 sugars and that you lock your dog away if you have one.  If I were to ask 1 thing of him it would be to visit my jokes page, that way he might learn some new ones.

TTFN